Mourning My Dad

Note:  While I usually like to share more science-y posts on this blog, today's post is an emotional one.  Even though I relate my personal experiences here, I feel strongly that the fundamental issue is one that is paramount in all our lives.

My dad... *sigh*, where to begin?  There was a time, a pretty good chunk of time in fact, that he and I were thick as thieves.  Not that I was ever what anyone would call "daddy's little girl", as I got older we just sort of rallied together and weathered the storm of my mother together.  Together we had fun and made light of life because life with my mother was the opposite of light.  He is one of the most generous, smart, innovative, hard-working and fun guys I know, and everyone wants to be around him.  

My dad is an active guy and on the surface he would appear to be the picture of health.  He's still active in Tae Kwon Do, surfs whenever he gets the chance, and even races motocross.  He was a triathlete when I was a kid and knows so much about health and nutrition.  As a blossoming nutritionista, I love to share the things I learn with him and we discuss how simple and common sense good health is. He has so much to offer these conversations!  He knows how food works in the body- for the body, how to use food for performance for an athlete, and he knows how/why processed foods can do harm.  Not only does he know these things, more importantly, he believes them.  I can remember, way back when I was a kid, he would say that he didn't even like to take an over-the-counter pain pill because his pain was his body trying to tell him something and he needed to listen.  

His wife, my mom, couldn't be more different.  She brags about the number of pills she takes each day and the bottles of booze that follow.  As far back as I can remember she has made trips (taking us as children with her every time) across the Mexican border to purchase (and then smuggle back into the U.S.) as many illegal prescription drugs as we could carry.

Together they smoke cigarettes.  This is a fairly new habit my dad picked up in the last decade or so.  As a kid and even as an older teenager, I remember him always complaining about my mom smoking and smokers in general.  I just don't understand.  Just as heartbreaking to me is the fact that they eat a diet of mostly processed foods. I really can't understand this!  My dad loves to cook- with real food!  Possibly the most worrisome for me is the fact that he drinks oceans of soda.  Every day.

• Today, he and I are thick as thieves no more.  Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy each others company at times few and far between, and always under the unbearable strain of my mother.  
• Today, I mourn the healthy mindful dude that I know still lives inside of him.  
• Today, I am devastated that he knows so much- he knows better- and yet, just today, as he leaves my house I know he is heading to a deep fried fast food drive-thru- while smoking a cigarette and sipping a soda.  

I believe that when you know better, you do better, so why doesn't he?  He doesn't just know it in the sense that someone told him about it or he read it in a book once.  He has lived a mindful healthy life before, he knows it.  I am surprised at the tidal wave of emotion I feel knowing that I have to watch him poison himself as he mindlessly dumps the toxins of cigarettes, soda, and processed "food products" into his body. Every day.

I know that one day I will lose my dad- unfortunately, probably sooner rather than later at this rate- as his choices catch up to him.  With a few simple and common sense changes he can halt the damage he has done and even reverse it.  I don't want to watch his slow suicide.

How do I save my dad's life?